Precious Illusions
by RowArk
Summary: Swan Queen AU. After a vicious attack leaves Emma nearly dead and extremely psychologically damaged, Regina magically wipes her short term memory and takes on the task of caring for Emma during her recovery, and Emma finds herself connecting with Regina in a way she never thought possible.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is very different from anything else I've ever written. First of all, this is the first story I've ever written in present tense. I never do this, but in this story, it feels right.**

 **Secondly, it's 100% from Emma's perspective. Her short term memory has been wiped, and the reader only knows what she knows.**

 **It's an idea I've been toying with for a while, and I hope you like it. Oh, and it's Swan Queen, as if I even need to say that anymore! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter One**

The first time she wakes up, it's blackness. There are people around her, noises, voices, pain. Her body is on fire and she can't escape the blackness. Her eyes won't open, won't listen, so she strains her ears to hear. There is a pathetic low whimper, and she thinks perhaps she made the sound, but she can't be sure. She feels like she's not a part of herself.

 _Emma_.

A familiar voice. Who said that? She can't tell if she's dreaming.

 _Emma, I'm right here. You're going to be okay._

It's Regina. She's sure it's Regina. She tries to say her name, but all that escapes her throat is a squeak. Her voice is betraying her. Her mouth won't form the words.

 _Don't try to talk, Emma. I'm right here. Just relax._

Someone lifts her arm. It burns like the flesh is being melted off. Someone is crying. She thinks it might be her.

 _Don't cry, Emma. I know it hurts. It'll be over soon, I promise._

Regina is close to her now. Her voice is right next to her ear. She tries to reach out, but she can't seem to find her arms. Where is that arm? Someone is still holding it. She doesn't have the strength to pull back.

She's fading.

* * *

The second time she wakes up, it's blackness again. And pain. But the pain is less, thankfully.

She thinks she's in a car. It's a vehicle of some sort, and the road is rough. Every bump in the road surges through her like a lightning bolt. The pain is more, again.

Someone is holding her, she's sure of this. She is cradled in someone's arms. Who is that? Someone has a hold of her, her head is resting on someone's skin. There's an arm around her back and a hand holding her head.

She tries to talk but she can't find her voice.

She finds her hands. One is resting against someone's body, touching soft clothing. She can't move her fingers.

She can't see, so she listens again: a heartbeat, steady, against her ear. Her head is on someone's chest. She doesn't know why it's so soothing. The pain is less, when she focuses on the heartbeat.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Regina. She's sure. She tries to call out. She whimpers instead.

 _Emma, I've got you. Shh, it's okay._

Regina.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Emma's crying now. Regina is pulling her closer.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She's fading again.

* * *

The third time she wakes up, it's blackness again. The pain is less. Much less. But present. She can find her fingers and her toes. She can't open her eyes.

She's in a bed, under blankets. It's warm and soft and enveloping. But it's not her bed. Panic surges through her, as she wonders where she is.

She still can't see, so she listens.

Someone is breathing beside her, slow and rhythmic. She holds her breath, to make sure it's not herself she hears. She holds her breath, and the breathing continues. Someone is there.

She lifts a hand, and she can control it. She reaches out in the blackness, though she still is lying still on her back. She reaches her hand towards the sound of the breathing, and she stops when she feels soft hair. And a cheek. Someone is there. Someone stirs under her light touch.

 _Emma._

It's Regina.

Emma's not sure why she's relieved, but she is.

 _Shh, don't try to talk._

She hadn't realized she was until that moment. A string of staccato _rr-rr_ - _rr's_ were escaping her lips, unbeknownst to her. She thought maybe she was trying to say Regina, but she was stuck on that first syllable.

She stops trying.

Regina pulls her into her arms, and her head falls lightly onto Regina's chest.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She missed that sound. How long had it been since she was in the car? It felt like moments ago and years ago all at the same time.

 _Regina._

It slips out of her mouth as she relaxes to the sound of Regina's heartbeat. She still has a voice after all. She can't feel her mouth but she recognizes her own voice in the air around her.

 _Shh, Emma. It's okay. I'm right here. Everything's okay. Go back to sleep._

She thought she was asleep. Isn't this a dream? What's happening?

She's getting agitated.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

If this is real, then that is really Regina's heart. And Regina's voice. And she is really enveloped in blackness. Her eyes won't open. She reaches for them. There's something there.

It feels like gauze.

It's covering both her eyes.

Regina's hand pulls Emma's away from her face, and holds it.

 _It's okay, Emma. You're hurt. I'm healing you. You're okay._

She doesn't feel okay. She feels her throat tightening and her heart racing. It's a panic attack. It's a panic attack and she's in blackness and barely has control over her own voice.

Regina's hand is on her head now, covering her ear. Her other ear is on Regina's chest.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

It's all she can hear. It calms her. Her throat opens, slowly. Her heart rate returns to normal. She's okay.

She doesn't fade this time. This time, she just goes back to sleep.

* * *

The fourth time is different.

The blackness is there.

The pain is less.

But it's different.

She's alone.

She sits up in the bed, her hands reaching for her face. She feels the bandages over her eyes. Touching them hurts, so she stops.

She feels either side of the bed, to be sure she's alone. She is.

"Regina!"

She realizes she can now speak. She has control over her voice.

And in an instant, Regina is back. She hears her heels clicking against a hard floor. She's moving quickly, practically running, to Emma.

She sits on the bed, her hands moving to either side of Emma's face. So soft.

"Hey," she says. The sound of her voice makes Emma want to melt.

"What happened?" Emma asks, one hand absently moving to the bandages on her eyes again.

Regina catches the hand and stops it. She puts it back on Emma's lap, with the other. She puts her hand back on Emma's face. She's stroking Emma's hair.

"You were hurt," Regina says. Emma thinks she said that before.

"I can't see."

"I know. I'm healing you, Emma, but it's taking time."

Emma wants to cry. Her lip is quivering.

"Don't cry, Emma. I know you're scared."

She is scared. She doesn't cry. She falls forward, before she even realizes what's happening, into Regina's arms. She feels safe here. And that confuses her.

"You're healing me?" Emma asks softly.

"Yes, dear," Regina replies. Her voice is soothing. Without her sight, Emma's ears are hyper alert. Regina's voice hits her in a way it never has before. Her hand is stroking Emma's hair now. Emma melts into her.

"Why am I not in a hospital?" she asks.

"We're not in Storybrooke."

Emma wants to ask where they are, but she's exhausted.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She thinks maybe she can just stay here for a while, and recoup her energy. How long will it take to heal?

"Your injuries are extensive, Emma. Healing is going to be a process, even with magic," Regina answers the unasked question, and momentarily Emma wonders if she actually spoke it out loud.

She wants to know where she is. She wants to know what happened. She wants to know when she will be able to see again. She doesn't ask, she just breathes in Regina's scent, and it relaxes her.

"You need to have a bath. Will you let me help you?"

Emma nods, even though she's not entirely sure what Regina is asking her. Her head is foggy, but she wants Regina's help, with whatever it is.

Regina lets her go, and Emma panics.

"I'm just going to get the bath ready," Regina assures her. Her hand is on Emma's face again.

"Don't leave me alone, it's so dark." Emma doesn't want to tell Regina she's been afraid of the dark since she was seven and they'd throw her in a closet and lock the door and leave her there for what was probably hours but felt like days and she would scream and cry and the darkness would envelop her.

 _Shut up, Emma! You're not getting out until you shut the hell up!_

That's his voice. Where the hell is she?

"I'll be good," Emma whimpers.

"Emma?"

Regina's voice pulls her back from the memory. She's not seven. She's not in the closet. She's here – wherever here is – with Regina.

"Please don't leave me alone."

Regina helps her up to her feet. She's shaky but Regina supports her, and leads her across the room, and helps her into a chair. She can hear water and smell lavender and chamomile. She thinks Regina might be saying something, but the fog is back. Maybe walking wasn't a good idea. She feels dizzy. If she could see, she's sure the room would be spinning.

But Regina helps her up again, and she can feel Regina's hands, removing her clothing.

Oh, a bath.

Now she understands. She wonders if she should be embarrassed to be naked as Regina leads her a few steps over and guides her into the warm water, but she can't see and she's still not sure if this is a dream, and she's not embarrassed.

"I didn't… know… what…" Emma's not quite sure what she's trying to say.

"Your head's still a little fuzzy, isn't it?" Regina asks. Emma can feel her running a soft cloth over her neck and shoulders. She's not sure if this is supposed to feel good, but it does, and she relaxes. "It's alright, dear. You'll be better soon."

Regina dips the cloth under the water and doesn't shy away from running it over Emma's breast before reaching her abdomen. She wonders if she has done this before. How long was she unconscious? Was Regina bathing her then?

It occurs to her that when Regina was Queen, she likely had people to bathe her. That must be why this is coming no naturally to her. Emma thinks again that maybe she should be embarrassed, but she's not. Perhaps she's too out of it for embarrassment.

When she's done, Regina helps Emma stand, and wraps her in a towel. It's soft and it feels good and warm and safe. Regina dresses her and leads her back to the bed, guiding her under the warm blankets.

"Stay with me?"

"Of course, dear." Regina climbs in next to her. "It's nighttime."

Emma has no concept of time.

She feels the panic setting in again.

Regina pulls her close. "Do you trust me, Emma?"

Emma nods, her head on Regina's chest again.

"Good girl. Don't be scared. Everything will be fine."

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Everything will be fine.

She sleeps again.

 **TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I know there's been lots of questions asked in the reviews already, and everything will be revealed, in time. Remember, the reader will know what Emma knows, and eventually everything will be answered :)**

 **A/N 2: Also, if anyone happens to be wondering where the name of this story came from, I named it for Alanis Morissette's "Precious Illusions"… specifically the lines:** ** _"You'll rescue me, right?/In the exact same way they never did/I'll be happy, right?/When your healing powers kick in"_** **, but the song as a whole also serves as inspiration for this story.**

 **A/N 3: This is AU, so please, for the purposes of this story, imagine that they have access to magic beans and are able to portal jump.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

The fifth time she wakes up, she thinks perhaps it's time to stop counting. She's reasonably sure she will wake up again, and the counting seems redundant now.

She takes a mental inventory of her surroundings.

Darkness: check

Pain: much less

Regina: ...

"Regina?" Her voice has more panic than she intended.

"Shh...I'm right here."

A hand strokes her hair.

Regina: right here

Regina's presence makes the pain and the darkness more tolerable.

"Back to sleep, Emma. It's not morning yet."

"I have to pee."

"Oh." Regina sounds surprised. Emma wonders why. Is this the first time she's peed in the hours or days or weeks she's been slipping in and out of consciousness? How is that possible?

"That's a good thing, actually," Regina says. Emma's confused. Regina's moving, getting up. She helps Emma get up.

Why is that a good thing?

Emma realizes she's not speaking out loud.

Emma's legs feel numb. Her knees are buckling. Regina grabs her and holds her up. Her legs are shaking.

Regina, what's happening?

The words are only in her head again, and she's getting frustrated. She wants to cry.

"It's okay. Come on. I'll help you." Regina is helping her walk. She only now realizes Regina has an arm wrapped around her abdomen, and that she has a death grip on that arm with both hands.

Something has changed between them, and Emma doesn't know what it is. This closeness, this caring, it's new. Where did that come from? She doesn't remember getting hurt. What happened between then and now? She has too many questions, and almost no answers.

She's walking now. She doesn't remember her feet starting to move.

They stop. Regina is lifting her nightgown and helping her sit. For the first time, Emma has the frame of mind to be embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed, Emma."

She's flushing; she can feel it.

When she's finished, Regina helps her back to the bed. Her legs are all but giving out. Walking still feels like a bad idea.

Why is needing to pee a good thing?

Why can't she form the words out loud anymore?

Regina is pulling the blankets over her again. She's in the bed beside her now. Emma is acutely aware of her scent, and the sound of her breathing. She's acutely aware of Regina's essence. In her mind she can make out her face, still. She suddenly wants to look at her. Not being able to, it's torture.

"Why... how..." she manages to say this much out loud, even though it's not even close to what she wants to say.

Somehow, Regina figures out the meaning behind her words anyway.

"We're in the Enchanted Forest, Emma."

What? How?

No sound again. She thinks she remembers being in a car. Was that a dream? Regina is stroking her hair again. This, she likes. A lot.

"You were badly hurt and barely conscious. There's no IVs here, Emma, no modern medicine. I put a variation of a preservation spell on you, so you could rest and not need to eat or drink or anything else. Your body - your magic - is starting to fight it off, that's good."

Emma doesn't even pretend to understand what that means.

"Fighting it off means you're getting stronger."

Oh.

"The spell, mixed with your injuries, that's what's making it hard to function, but it's also helping keep the pain at bay, a bit, I hope. I can't take it off just yet, though. You're not strong enough."

"Where?" She wants to finish that with ... are my parents? Or... is Henry? She can't make her mouth co-operate.

"Is everyone else?" Regina ventures a guess.

Emma nods. Close enough.

"Your father is here. Your mother's in Storybrooke, with Henry."

How did this happen? Suddenly she wants her mother more than anything. She wants her home and her bed and both her parents there. Suddenly she's four-years-old and crying in the night for her Mommy and Daddy and wondering why they don't come for her. Will they ever come? Don't they know their baby is suffering?

She's whimpering again. She didn't mean to.

"We'll go home when we can. You're not well enough for another portal jump right now."

Another portal jump. What was the first portal jump? Storybrooke to here? Why did she even make the trip in the first place? She hates the Enchanted Forest.

"You should go back to sleep now, Emma. Maybe you'll feel well enough to get up tomorrow."

Emma moves closer. She puts her head on Regina's chest. She surprises even herself that she finds the spot on the first try. She's more aware of her spacing - and of Regina - than she had realized.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

The sound has become her anchor

How did she ever sleep without Regina's heartbeat before?

* * *

This time, she wakes up feeling hungry. That's new. She wonders if hungry is also a good thing. She thinks it must be.

Her head is still on Regina's chest, but she's sure Regina is awake. She can tell by the way she's breathing. She shifts slightly, and sighs, letting Regina know she's awake now, too.

"Hey." Regina's voice in the morning is low and a little raspy from sleep, and it resonates in Emma's skull.

She thinks it's morning. She hopes she's well enough to get up today. She wants to eat.

"I thought I was in a car."

That's not what she meant to say. She meant to say hey or good morning or I'm hungry or any combination of those three things. The fog is back.

"You were in a carriage," Regina says.

"With you."

"Yes."

"You were holding me."

"Yes"

"Why?"

"Because the road was bumpy and you were in pain and I was trying to heal you, and maybe buffer some of the jolts in the carriage for you."

"I'm hungry." Emma breathes a sigh of relief when those words finally come out. She's gaining control of her voice again.

"Good," Regina says. She knew it had to be a good thing.

"Let me change." Regina gets up and Emma doesn't panic this time because she can still hear her in the room. Her ears are picking up everything now, things she would have never noticed before. It's only moments until Regina is ready, and in heels, clicking her way over to Emma's side of the bed. Regina doesn't make her change, and she's glad for that. She's sure she'll be back in bed before long, anyway.

Regina helps her up, and starts leading her by the arm, down what she assumes is a hallway. It's long and she's reasonably sure they are walking in a mostly straight line. There's a slight chill in the air, and the floor is hard under Emma's stocking-clad feet.

"Where are we?"

"My palace."

That, Emma did not expect, though she guesses she shouldn't be all that surprised. This is where her family and Regina lived during their year back in the Enchanted Forest. There wasn't much else left standing in this land, anyway.

They make a turn to the right, into a room with a different feel. It's warmer and she thinks someone else is there.

"Emma, you're up!"

Daddy

"Dad?"

He's walking up to her and she's in his arms within moments. Regina lets her go, and starts to walk away, and she's okay, for the moment. Her father smells like a mix of the woods and home and she feels safe right here.

But she's getting shaky again.

He brings her over to a chair, and she realizes there's a table in front of her. It's a dining room, she guesses.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm not…. Sure…"

And she isn't sure. His hand is on hers, but even if it wasn't, she can tell where he is by the sound of his breath and she can feel his eyes on her, even if she can't see them.

"What happened to me?"

There's a heavy sigh. "We… Regina and I… we think it's best to wait until you're better to talk about it." His voice is soft and firm at the same time, and she's sure she can't convince him to tell her. She's not entirely sure she wants to know.

"Were you there the first time?" She thinks back to before the carriage that she thought was a car. The first time she woke up. The time with the most pain. There were several voices around her, and she can't remember if one was David's.

"The first time what?"

"He's been here the whole time," Regina says. She's back in the room. Something smells good. She's starving. "Here, Emma. It's oatmeal." Regina puts the bowl down, and lifts Emma's left hand, placing it on the side of the bowl so she knows where it is. She puts a spoon in Emma's right hand.

Emma hesitates for a moment, not sure if she can do this on her own. She doesn't want David and Regina staring at her while she attempts to find her mouth with a spoon she can't see. They start talking to each other about getting wood and about the horses and the stables and she thinks she can tell by their voices that they are looking at each other and not at her.

Or at least she wants to believe that.

She puts the spoon in the oatmeal, slowly. It's slightly heavier when she lifts it again, so she knows she got some. Slowly, slowly, she brings it to her mouth. She hits her bottom lip first, but recovers right away. She hates oatmeal but right now oatmeal tastes like victory. No one is cheering. They're not watching. She's relieved.

It takes an eternity for her to finish her oatmeal. She guesses it's partly because she can't see and her hand is shaky, partly because she hates oatmeal, and mostly because David and Regina won't stop talking about the damn horses when she is right there and they have more important things to worry about.

She lets out a sigh and drops the spoon. She rests her elbows on the table, and catches her head in her hands. Suddenly she's exhausted again.

"What's wrong, Emma?" It's David. She doesn't want to talk, she just wants to cry.

"Maybe that's enough exertion for now." Regina is walking over to her. Emma reaches for her hand and catches it on the first try. Or maybe Regina saw her move her arm and caught her flailing hand. She couldn't be sure.

"Why are you taking care of me?" Emma asks. They are back in the hallway now. They turned left out of the dining room, so Emma knows they are heading back to the bedroom.

"Would you rather your dad slept in your bed with you?"

That isn't her bed. Emma thinks she can tell that Regina's looking at her, probably with one eyebrow up. She's making a joke, but it's not funny. Emma's not in the mood.

Regina sighs. "I'm sorry, Emma, that was…. I need to be near you so I can heal you. You know magic can heal exterior wounds instantly. Internal injuries and extensive injuries like yours take longer. It had to be me. Does it bother you?"

Emma shakes her head. She regrets it immediately, because now she's dizzy. How long is this damn walk?

"I can't remember anything that happened."

"I know."

"When will you tell me?"

"When you're better."

They're back in the bedroom now, and Regina's helping her get back into bed.

"This isn't my bed."

"No, it's my bed."

Emma isn't sure why the knowledge that she'd been sleeping in Regina's bed incited this strange fluttery feeling deep in her belly, but it does. And she's lying in it again, now. Even though Regina's not in it with her now, the knowledge that this is her bed is comforting and intimate, all at the same time. Emma is more confused by her thoughts than ever.

Something is different.

There's something she's missing. Something more than the cause of her injuries or the reason they are in the Enchanted Forest. There's something there that she's forgotten.

Something has changed between them.

She's too tired to think about it.

She's too exhausted to even need to listen to Regina's heartbeat to slip away into unconsciousness now.

And she sleeps again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

When Emma wakes up again, she's sure she's alone. She holds her breath and listens intently. She's alone. She wills herself not to panic. She reminds herself that it's not _really_ dark, she just can't see. It can't be dark because it can't be night because if it were night, Regina would be here, in bed with her. She doesn't panic.

She sits up. She pauses for a moment, and waits for the dizziness to pass. It passes, and she assesses the state she's in. She barely feels any pain now. She's not hungry and she doesn't have to pee and she's pretty sure she's not about to die at any moment, and she knows the darkness isn't really darkness, and so she's okay being alone. She doesn't panic.

She wonders if she could get up and walk a little. Perhaps she could acquaint herself with her surroundings. She can feel a bit of cool air from her left, and she figures there's an open window over there. She thinks maybe she should explore in the other direction, as she imagines herself somehow toppling out of that window to her death. She doesn't know why she's being so morbid, but she doesn't want to risk it.

She slides out of the bed on the right side.

To her surprise, she feels steady on her feet. She reaches out with her right hand and finds the wall. She starts to walk, slowly, feeling her way along the wall until her fingers touch something wooden. She traces her fingers over it, and it feels like a frame or an edge, and beyond it is a smooth, cool surface, like glass, or maybe a mirror. She runs her fingers down the glass until she reaches a table. It was a mirror. This is a vanity. She feels around until she finds the bench and sits down.

She runs her hands over the surface and finds a hairbrush, and a glass bottle that she thinks might be perfume. She thinks it also could be a potion. She stops touching it.

She thinks back to when she was a kid and she would sometimes walk around with her eyes closed and pretend that she was blind. Feeling her way around those houses was much easier, because she had actually seen them in the light, and when she wasn't quite sure what something was, the option to open her eyes and double check was always available. She doesn't have that option now.

She gets up again and continues along her journey. She finds a break in the wall and decides it must be a doorway. She holds her hands out as she steps inside, and almost immediately makes contact with something against her shin. She kneels down and feels around the object. It's reasonably sure it's a bathtub, though it's clearly not made of porcelain. This is the bathroom. She doesn't want to be in here.

She stands up and steps back three steps – the number of steps she had taken before reaching the tub – and feels for the other side of that doorway. She finds it, and continues walking, her hand back on the wall, until she reaches another door.

This one is closed, and she finds the handle and hopes it's not locked. Would Regina lock her in? She feels the anxiety of that thought as she attempts to turn the handle. It turns. She's not locked in. She steps through the door.

She feels familiar cool air and the familiar floor from this morning. This is the hallway. She suddenly wonders if she can make it back to the dining room, on her own. Her legs aren't shaky and her head isn't dizzy and she wonders if, perhaps, Regina and David are in there talking about the horses again. She wonders how amazed they would be if she suddenly appeared in the room. She wonders if that would prove she's well enough to portal jump.

She wants to go home.

She finds the wall with her right hand, and starts walking.

She's pretty sure this is the way they walked this morning.

The wall is lined with what she thinks are several ornate mirrors, and it makes her task a little more difficult, but she is determined to keep going. Eventually, she reaches a point on the wall where there are no mirrors, and she is able to pick up her pace a little. Just a little.

She can't hear or feel anyone else around her, but she keeps her left hand out in front of her, just in case. She doesn't know where there will be a sudden wall or suit of armour – do palaces really have suits of armour on display? – and she wants to avoid any unnecessary casualties along her journey.

She comes to a doorway. Is this the dining room, already? She doesn't feel like she walked long enough. She steps inside, slowly. This room doesn't feel the same. It's not warm, and it doesn't smell the same. Even without her sight, this room feels dark and she wants out of it, now.

She steps back into the hall, and continues.

Several seconds or minutes pass – she can't be sure which – and she reaches another doorway. She's sure this is it. She hopes this is it. She steps inside.

It doesn't feel the same.

This isn't it.

She's getting frustrated.

Is she going the wrong way?

She considers turning back. She knows how to get back to the bedroom. From there, she could get back in the bed and pull the covers up and force herself to sleep and maybe this time when she wakes up Regina will be there and she never has to know about Emma's stupid idea to find the dining room on her own.

What was she thinking?

David and Regina aren't there, talking about the horses.

They are probably outside _with_ the horses.

They are probably just happy to have a moment of peace away from the burden of taking care of her.

She forces herself to stop thinking like that. They didn't think like that. She's sure. If she can make it to the dining room, then she isn't a burden. This is her mission, and she needs to be successful, whether they're in there, or not. She needs to be successful for herself.

She keeps walking.

She walks and walks and walks, but there are no more doorways. She's sure she's going the wrong way. She's walked way too far. This was a bad idea.

She wishes she would have thought to count the steps on the way, this morning. If she ever makes it back, she tells herself she will count the steps next time. If she ever makes it back, and she isn't lost in some random corner of this giant palace forever.

She gives up.

It's time to turn around.

She turns, and places her left hand on the wall. She wishes she had counted the steps she had made so far. She knows if she keeps walking with this hand on the wall, she'll make it back, but it occurs to her then, that she doesn't know how far she needs to go.

She just needs to get to the ornate mirrors. When she gets there, she's back. But she's getting tired.

This was a terrible idea.

She keeps walking. Her legs are getting shaky. Her head is getting dizzy. She wants to cry.

She keeps walking.

She's not sure how far she gets before her legs buckle, and she lands with a soft thud on her knees. She puts her hands on the floor and tries to breathe. She just needs to recoup a little strength, and then she can continue.

She sits back on her heels and rests her forearms on the cool floor. She just needs a moment.

She puts her forehead down on the ground between her hands. She's crying. She doesn't remember when she started crying, but she's aware of it now.

Sobs are wracking her body and she can't calm down. She's sure she looks pathetic slumped on the floor like she is, crying like a child, but what does it even matter? She can't see anyway, what does it matter what she looks like?

No one else can see her. No one else is here.

She's alone and scared.

And it's dark.

Over the sound of her own sobs, she can't hear David approaching until he is very close.

"Emma!"

He's beside her now. His hand is on her back. She can hear Regina's heels clicking. They're both here now. They didn't abandon her.

David is pulling her up. He's asking if she's okay. She can't see it, but she knows the room is spinning now. The fog is back.

This was such a bad idea.

 _I… just… wanted…_

She can hear her own voice between her sobs, but she isn't controlling her words. They are just spilling from her, out of her control now.

She's still on the ground, now in David's arms, and she can feel Regina's hand on her head. She can feel magic. She's not sure what Regina is doing, but she's calming down.

David is lifting her up now. He's carrying her. Her arms are around his neck and she's holding on for dear life. Her father's arms are strong and safe. Her head is on his chest and she can hear his heart. It's not the same. She wants to hear Regina's heart. But she likes that her father smells like home. It's soothing.

She never expected to be a Daddy's Girl, but she knows she is.

She can still hear Regina's heels clicking. She's walking with them, slightly behind them. It feels like mere moments when they are back in the bedroom, and David is laying her down in the bed. She wasn't as far away as she had thought. Maybe she could have made it back.

David is pulling the blankets over her, and he kisses her forehead. He's saying something but she's oblivious. She's revelling in her father being here, taking care of her. She's wanted this since she was a toddler. Right now, she almost feels like a helpless child. She knows this is what it would have felt like to have her Daddy then.

David says something else. Regina answers. Emma's still not listening.

David leaves the room and Emma can feel Regina lying down beside her. Emma snuggles up to her and finds her heartbeat.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She needed that.

Regina's stroking her hair and talking in a low voice. Emma can't make out the words. She's fading again.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She tries to focus on that sound, but she can't hold it. She's fading.

Walking was a terrible idea.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This one's a little short, but I wanted to give you guys something before I leave for the long weekend :) (Monday's a holiday in Canada lol)… so none of my stories will be updated again until Monday night at the earliest, but I've got a four hour car ride (twice) and I'm taking a notebook for 8 hours of uninterrupted writing, so I'll have some updates for all stories as soon as I can get them typed up! Have a good weekend, everyone!**

* * *

 **Chapter Four**

"I need to look at your eyes."

Emma is awake again, and still lying with Regina. She's been awake for a while. She feels better, but she wasn't ready to get up right away. She's embarrassed about falling in the hall and crying, even though she knows she shouldn't be. It's not her fault she's hurt, but somehow she feels like it is.

Regina wants to look at her eyes, and Emma's not immediately sure why that prospect scares her. She'll need to remove the bandages and Emma will know if she can see or not.

Oh, that's why.

"Okay," Emma says. She's not sure she had the option to say no, anyway. Regina's healing her and she needs to look at her eyes.

Emma sits up. "Here?"

"Here's fine." Regina is up now too, sitting on her right, facing her. Emma can tell how close she is by her voice. She feels like she's getting good at this, even though she has no actual way to determine if her assessments of her surroundings are accurate. She has no reason to believe they're not.

"I'm going to take off the bandages. Are you ready?"

Emma nods.

She's not really ready, but she also kind of is. She's nervous and excited and apprehensive all at once.

"Do you think I'll be able to see?"

"I'm… not sure. We'll see."

Emma can feel Regina unwinding the bandages. She holds her breath, waiting. She's expecting light to start coming in, slowly. She's expecting this to be like a movie, and it will be too much, too bright, only for a moment, and then she'll blink and everything will focus and everything will be fine, again.

But life isn't a movie.

The bandages are off, and she still can't see.

Regina's hands are on either side of her face now, tipping her head back, slightly.

"Can you try to open your eyes for me?"

Oh.

She didn't realize they were closed.

Emma tries to find control over her eyes. They seem foreign to her now, but after a moment of concentration, she feels the left one start to open. The right one won't budge, but for now it's okay, because she can see a small crack of greyish light with her left eye.

She can see.

But it's not really seeing.

It's just a dim light. No shapes or movement.

"Okay, Emma, that's good," Regina says, "can you see anything?"

"I can't… not really… just a little light, I think? I can't open my other eye."

"That's okay, your right eye was worse. They look much better now, Emma. I don't think it will take too much longer to heal."

"And I'll be able to see, then?"

Regina doesn't answer right away. She pauses, and says "close your eye, again, okay? I'm going to rewrap them."

She doesn't answer the question. Emma wonders if it's because she doesn't know the answer, or that she does, and doesn't want to say. She doesn't know which is worse: not knowing, or knowing when the prognosis isn't good.

"I can't remember anything that happened," Emma says again, as Regina is rewrapping her eyes.

"I know."

She knows that Regina knows. She wants to know why.

"I keep trying, but nothing is coming back. It's just blank."

Regina hesitates again.

"It's not going to come back, Emma. I used magic to wipe out your memories."

She did what?

Emma's mouth is gaping open.

"You did what?"

"You asked me to."

"I… I don't believe that. I wouldn't have done that." At this point, she's not sure if she would have done that, or not. She's not really sure of anything right now. She's still not entirely sure this isn't all a dream she will wake up out of soon.

"You know me, Emma. You know when I'm lying. I know you know, even if you can't see me. You asked me to do it for you, and I did."

She does know Regina.

She does know when she's lying.

She's not lying.

"Why?"

"Because you couldn't handle what happened to you."

"What happened?" Emma's voice is a whisper.

"I told you, we'll talk about it when you're better. You're not ready yet. I know you can't understand that, but trust me on this one, okay?"

"I don't even remember asking you to take away my memories. All I remember is being in Storybrooke, and then waking up in pain."

"I know. I wiped out everything in between."

"How much time did I lose?"

"Two weeks."

Two weeks. She was expecting a few days, at the most. Two weeks and her eyes still don't work and she can't help but think that must mean they never will. She doesn't want to think like that. It's hard not to.

Emma thinks her emotions must still be showing on her face, even with her eyes covered, because Regina has her hands on her shoulders now, and she's pulling her in for a hug. There had been several moments in their past where Emma had thought perhaps she should hug Regina, but she never did and now she wonders why because a hug from Regina feels safe and warm. She hadn't expected that.

"Something feels different, between us," Emma acknowledges out loud before she realizes what she's saying.

"I think something is." Regina is rubbing circles on her back.

"When can we go home?" Earlier today the only thing Emma wanted was to go home, but right now, in Regina's arms, she thinks maybe they don't need to rush.

"A couple days, I think."

Emma nods in acknowledgment and moves so her head can rest on Regina's chest, again. She thinks she's in an awkward position now, but she doesn't particularly care. Regina doesn't object, so it must be fine. Emma wonders if she knows her heartbeat had become her anchor.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

This time she listens, but she doesn't sleep.

She's not exhausted anymore.

She's sure this must be a good thing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

"Are you hungry?"

They are still in their awkward but maybe not-so-awkward embrace. Emma can't tell which it is, but it's been some time and Regina is still not objecting to it.

"I'm don't know if I should walk again."

"Well, maybe not alone, but I think you will be alright."

She is hungry. She's not so sure she'll be alright, but she trusts Regina's judgment better than her own at this moment, so she agrees.

Regina holds her left arm, and Emma lets her right hand trail over the wall. She feels the same ornate mirrors she felt when she made this trek alone – she had been going the right way, after all.

This time, she counts her steps.

She finds the first doorway.

"That room leads into the library."

"Really?"

"Don't sound so surprised. Did you think I never read? Being married to the King was much more boring than you might think."

"I went in there earlier. It feels dark."

"It is dark." Now it's Regina who sounds surprised.

They keep walking. Emma keeps counting. They reach the next doorway.

"This is the dining room."

Emma had gone into this room earlier, and it had felt different. She knows now she walked way too far before.

"It felt different, when I came in here the second time."

They step inside.

"How does it feel now?" Regina asks. Emma's glad she's not questioning exactly how she feels the room, since Emma isn't sure she could have put it into words, anyway.

"Different than the first time. The same as the second time."

"David was here the first time," Regina remarks.

That had to be it. She had felt her father in the room this morning. Maybe that's why it was warmer then.

She wants him there, now.

And her mother. So badly.

"Where is he now?"

"Getting wood," Regina says. She moves to lead Emma to the table.

"No, wait. I can do it."

And she does.

Awkwardly, with her arms outstretched in front of her and with slow, concentrated steps, she reaches the table on her own. She finds a chair and sits down. It's another victory. She's sure Regina watched her, but at this moment, she's no longer concerned with how she looks doing menial tasks. She knows Regina wouldn't comment, anyway.

"I'll be right back."

Emma nods. She's okay. It's not really dark and Regina will be right back and she can handle being alone for a moment while she revels in her minor victory. She decides it's really not minor at all. She should be proud.

It's sixty-seven steps to the dining room. It's the second door. The first door is the library. There are not two rooms she could get to on her own, from the bedroom, if she needed. She had no use for the library now, but she could get herself there. The prospect of this possible independence makes her feel confident.

But she has no intention of going anywhere alone.

Not right now.

She can hear Regina's heels clicking as she come back into the dining room.

"I made you chicken soup."

She goes through the same drill: putting Emma's hand on the bowl and giving her the spoon.

"That was quick," Emma comments.

Regina laughs.

God, that sound is beautiful.

Emma had never really noticed before.

"You used magic."

"Yes."

"I hate oatmeal."

"Why didn't you say something this morning?"

Emma shrugs. "I like chicken soup."

"If you feel up to it, we can go outside after you eat. Fresh air would be good for you."

Emma suddenly feels self-conscious as she eats. She liked it better this morning when Regina was distracted, talking to David. Now Regina's talking to her, and that means she's likely looking at her, too. She's never been comfortable with too much attention.

She eats anyway.

She considers it another victory.

And when she's done, she feels up to going outside.

Regina uses magic to poof her into clothes and shoes appropriate for going outdoors. Pants make her feel more like herself than she did in that nightgown.

She doesn't count the steps from the dining room to outside, because she knows there's no way in hell she'll be going outside by herself.

"How long has it been?"

"How long has what been?"

"How long has it been since that night in the carriage?"

Emma needs to talk to keep herself from trying to count as they walk down the hall.

"That was daytime, actually, and it's been three days. Well, this is the third day."

It feels like it's been weeks.

"That can't…. are you sure?"

"Yes. We brought you back in the carriage in the afternoon, and you didn't wake up again until the next morning, for a few moments. You slept that whole day and woke up at night, and I gave you a bath, remember? That was the second night. The third night you woke up and had to use the bathroom. That was last night. This morning you woke up and had oatmeal, and an hour later you got back up and headed back down the hall."

Though she would rather forget about her journey down the hall by herself, Emma finds it strangely comforting to have a timeline.

"That night you gave me a bath… that was the first time? That you did that, I mean?"

"Yes, of course it was, Emma. I wouldn't have done it without your permission."

Of course she wouldn't.

Emma should have known better.

She must know how to bathe someone because she had someone to bathe her, when she was Queen.

"Are you getting tired at all?"

"No, I'm good."

She is good.

This is the best she's felt.

She feels the cool air on her face as they step outside. She takes a deep breath and smells the grass and the woods. She thinks the fresh air really will be good for her.

"Is my dad near here?"

"Not far. I can take you to him." Regina lets go of Emma's arm and taker her by the hand instead. "There's nothing you can run into out here. Is this okay?"

It's more than okay.

It feels more freeing and also more intimate than Regina having her by the arm. It feels like they're friends and not that she's Regina's helpless charge.

"Yeah. This is good."

They walk.

"Regina, I don't… three days ago, I remember being in so much pain, I couldn't even think. But… you wiped out two weeks of my memories? I don't understand."

Regina squeezes her hand and sighs.

"Let's go see David, and then we'll talk about it when we're back inside, okay?"

Emma smiles.

She shouldn't be happy to hear about how she was injured this badly, but she takes Regina offering to tell her as an indication she's really getting better.

"You think I'm ready?"

"No. But I also know that you're not going to stop thinking about it or asking about it until you know."

She's right. Emma knows she's right. On both accounts.

Emma can hear a sound, something striking something else. An axe hitting wood. David was getting wood.

Daddy!

She wonders if she could find him on her own. She wonders if she could run to him and end up in his waiting arms and he would be so proud of her for finding him on her own.

The little orphan girl inside her dares her to try.

The wary, injured adult who fell in the hall not all that long ago, says she better not.

She better not.

It's okay. He finds her first anyway. He kisses her forehead and hugs her, holding the back of her head protectively, like he always does. She thinks he must be proud of her, anyway, for coming all the way out here. Her legs aren't even shaky.

"You look much better now, Emma," he says. He's cupping her face in his hands and she can feel herself smiling – really smiling. This is the second time she's smiled, today. This must be a really, really good thing.

Regina's wrong. She is ready.

After spending some time outdoors, Regina tells her perhaps that's enough for one day. Emma agrees, and they head back.

"Tell me when we reach the dining room."

Regina tells her.

"I want to try to make it back on my own." Emma reaches for Regina's hand and pulls it away from her arm. "But don't leave me."

"I would never leave you, Emma."

Emma puts her left arm on the wall, her right arm outstretched ahead of her, and she begins. She counts back her steps, in her head.

67…66…65…

She concentrates on making the same size steps as she had made on the way here. She hears the consistent and rhythmic sound of Regina's heels clicking just behind her. The sound is almost as comforting to her as Regina's heartbeat against her ear at night – a reminder that Regina really is here, and that she's not leaving.

Her hand reaches a doorway. "The library."

"Yes," Regina confirms.

Emma can't help but smile, again.

She picks up her pace a little – just a little – maintaining consistency in the length of the strides as she gets closer and closer to her destination.

9… 8… 7…

Who would have guessed this would be so exhilarating?

6… 5… 4…

She's so close, she can taste it.

"3… 2… 1…" She says the last three numbers out loud and laughs as she reaches the doorway. It's a monumental victory.

"You did it." There's no surprise in Regina's voice, like she never doubted for a second that Emma could do this. Emma spins around to face the direction of her voice. She's sure she can tell exactly where she is by her voice.

She decides to go for it.

She reaches forward, and finds Regina instantly, wrapping her arms around her.

Regina returns the embrace, squeezing her tight. Emma's getting used to hugging her, but this hug isn't for comfort, not like the other times Regina has held her. This hug is in celebration of Emma's victory. Emma thinks the hug itself is also a little victory.

And she can't help but smile. Again.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Just a warning, in this chapter, Regina begins to tell Emma what happened to her. There will be no graphic descriptions of violence, in this chapter or any other, since this story is about healing not about violence, but I wanted to put that warning out there anyway.**

 **And since I was away all weekend, you get two today! :) Enjoy**

* * *

 **Chapter Six**

"So you're gonna tell me now?"

Emma thinks that perhaps she sounds a little too eager, considering that what she's asking is for Regina to explain to her exactly how she came to be so badly injured that she can't see and needs constant care.

But she also needs to know.

And she's convinced she's ready to hear it.

She's sitting cross-legged on the bed now, on top of the covers. Regina is sitting, facing her, holding both her hands. She gives them both a little squeeze.

"Yes, but tell me if you get overwhelmed, alright?" Emma can hear the apprehension in Regina's voice, and she knows she doesn't want to tell her yet. She's not sure exactly who Regina thinks is not ready: Emma or herself.

"I won't get overwhelmed. Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Regina squeezes her hands again.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Emma thinks back. "Umm… I remember going to see Dr. Whale at his office. He called me in, but I don't remember why. I remember walking into his office and the next thing I remember is walking up in blackness, with so much pain."

Regina sighs. "In the carriage?"

"No… before the carriage. I think… I was lying on the ground. And there were people around me, and you were telling me not to cry."

Regina seems to hesitate. "You remember that?"

"A little… just a few moments. Why?"

"It's okay, we'll get to that." Regina draws in a deep, laboured breath. "Dr. Whale, as it turns out, is not exactly who we thought."

Emma feels a lump forming in her throat and nausea in her stomach. She squeezes Regina's hands to center herself.

"Dr. Whale did this?" Her voice is just a whisper.

"In part, yes. The part I'm going to tell you about today."

Emma swallows hard. Her throat is suddenly so tight and so dry.

She can't believe Whale would hurt her.

She can't believe Regina is only going to tell her part.

She needs to hear whatever Regina is willing to say, regardless.

"Tell me. I'm ready."

Regina sighs again.

"As it turns out, Whale has been making frequent trips between Storybrooke and The Land Without Colour."

"The Land Without Colour?"

"Yes, dear. He's not a fairy tale character. He's not from the Enchanted Forest. In The Land Without Colour, he was Dr. Frankenstein, as you know, and nothing short of a mad scientist, who thought he could bring back the dead."

Emma feels Regina shudder as she says that last part.

"Anyway, he's been travelling back and forth, taking things he's learned here, from the internet and various science fiction horror movies, and attempting to apply it in his word… performing … experiments… on unwilling participants from his land."

"What kind of experiments?"

Emma wishes she hadn't asked that. She doesn't want to know.

"I don't know. You wouldn't – or couldn't – talking about it. What you saw… it was too much for you to handle."

"I saw it?"

"Yes."

"But… how do I even fit into all of this?"

Emma knows she wouldn't have ever helped Whale if he propositioned her. So why was she involved?

"Well, Whale had once believed there was no magic in his world, but he was wrong. There is magic, but it's different there. _Your_ magic manifested in a world without magic, and he thought it might work in his world as well. He thought that he could extract it from you, using science, and use your saviour magic in his experiments. He failed once in bringing his brother back from the dead, but he never gave up on the obsession."

"How… I…" Emma stammers, not sure exactly what she wants to ask.

"He blindsided you in his office. He knocked you out and opened a portal. When you woke up, he had you restrained, and you didn't know how to use your magic there. You were defenseless."

"How did you find me?"

"A few days after you had gone missing, his former assistant came through a portal to find your parents. They had been searching for help in stopping him for some time, but were unable to. He figured now that Whale had you, people would come. And we did."

"Why did _you_ come?"

"Why wouldn't I come?"

Emma lets that process for a moment. She supposes she shouldn't be surprised. She and Regina had had each other's backs for quite some time.

"Okay, so… you and my parents came and rescued me? What… what did Whale do to me? Some sort of experiment?"

"When we found you, he had you strapped to some sort of machine, that was supposed to extract your magic from your body. It honestly looked a lot like the machine Mendell used to torture me. But he didn't do any experiments on you. He did, however, make you watch. That, you told me, was far worse than anything else he did. You wouldn't even tell your parents about it."

"That's why I wanted you to erase my memory?"

"Yes. You were having horrific nightmares."

"But you saved me. Why did you bring me here?"

"There's no direct portal between The Land Without Colour and Storybrooke. We have to go through the Enchanted Forest. You were in worse shape than we had thought, and you barely survived the trip here. We decided you needed to stay here until you were well enough to make the trip home. I stayed because you needed me to heal you. Someone needed to go home to Henry, so your mother went. Seeing you hurt was hard on her. It was better for your father to stay."

"If he wanted me to watch… why did he do… whatever he did, to my eyes?"

There's a long pause. Emma is almost sure Regina isn't even going to answer.

"That… happened later. That happened three days ago."

"I was attacked twice?"

Regina doesn't answer.

"That's the part you're not going to tell me about, isn't it?"

"Not until you're fully healed."

Emma briefly considers challenging her on that one, but given all that she's just taken in, she decides maybe she doesn't need to know the rest right now.

"Do you have any… questions?" Regina sounds so awkward, which surprises Emma greatly. Regina is always so poised and refined. She knows this is hard for her, too.

When did she start caring so much?

"What happened to Whale?"

"He's in prison for his crimes, in his world."

Emma nods. Part of her had hoped that Regina would say David slayed him with his sword, but she was also slightly relieved that wasn't the case.

"How long did he have me?"

"Eight days. He had you five days before we knew where you were. The Land Without Colour was never even a thought when you went missing. No one else from Storybrooke has ever been there, except Gold and Jefferson, and that was decades ago. Once we got there, it took us three days to find you and get you back, even with the help of Whale's old assistant. He stayed on the move, he was hard to track."

"Eight days… then we came back here, and six days later, I got hurt again."

"Yes."

"And we're not going to talk about that now."

"Yes."

Emma nods again. She has so many more answers now, but they are just opening up more and more questions. She needs time to let this all process.

"Are you okay?" Regina asks. She sounds genuinely worried.

Emma forces a small smile. "No… I don't know… I will be. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, right now. I need time to think."

Regina lets go of one of her hands, and runs her fingers through Emma's hair. "You need your hair washed, you know," she says. Emma is actually grateful for her changing the subject.

"Will you help me?"

"Of course."

Regina brings Emma back into the room that she now knows is somewhat of an en suite bathroom. She sits her in a chair and has her lean her head back, her hair falling into some sort of basin behind her. She can hear it filling with water.

"I didn't think there was plumbing here," Emma comments.

"There isn't. I have magic, dear," Regina reminds her. "I have to take the bandages off, to let your hair loose."

Emma nods, and says nothing as Regina unwinds the gauze for the second time that day. She thinks about everything and anything that could have happened to her eyes, if this injuring really wasn't caused by Whale. She badly wants to know, and she also doesn't want to know at all. Whatever it is, it must be much worse than what Regina had just told her, and that thought terrifies Emma.

"Don't try to open your eyes right now, okay? Just let them rest."

Emma relaxes as she feels Regina pouring warm water over her hair. She hadn't realized just how tense she was. She relaxes more when Regina starts washing her hair, massaging her scalp with firm, circular motions.

"Why isn't this weird?" Emma asks, before she realizes she's speaking.

"What, me washing your hair? Why would that be weird?"

"Not just that… everything. You gave me a bath. Why wasn't it weird?"

Regina sighs.

"I used to have people bathe me all the time. It wasn't weird."

"But, you _know_ me," Emma insists.

"I used to wash your mother's hair like this," Regina says, as she pours more warm water to rinse Emma's hair out. Emma wonders if she's changing the subject intentionally, because she doesn't have an answer.

Or maybe she does have an answer, and doesn't want to say.

"My mother used to live here," Emma says, as that realization finally hits her. She had never considered that this palace had been her mother's home long before everyone had returned her for a year.

"Yes, she did." Regina is drying Emma's hair with a towel. "Her old bedroom is still here, you know? I was going to destroy it, but… I don't know, I never did. I had that whole wing boarded up instead. Tomorrow, if you want, I could show it to you."

Emma considers that as Regina starts rewrapping the bandages.

"But… I can't _see_ it. What's the point?"

"Well what's the point of going outside or finding your own way back to this room or anything else you've been doing? You're doing well without sight right now, Emma. You felt that the library was dark, maybe you'll feel the light in your mother's bedroom. It's up to you. I won't make you do it if you don't want to. It was just an idea."

"No, I want you to show me." Emma suddenly realizes Regina is offering her a piece of her mother to grab on to, while she's here.

"Okay. After breakfast tomorrow. It's getting late, now, you must be getting tired."

"Yeah, I am."

Once they're both changed, they crawl into bed together. This is the fourth night, Emma realises, as she lays her head on Regina's chest. It's the fourth night, and yet sleeping cuddled up with Regina feels as natural as if she had been doing it for years.

Why isn't _this_ weird?

She doesn't know, but she's glad it's not.

"Your eyes looked better tonight than they did this morning. You're healing faster," Regina comments. She's stroking Emma's hair again. "Your magic is getting stronger. We may be able to go home the day after tomorrow. I can't imagine needing much more time than that."

Emma smiles against Regina's chest.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Then the realization hits her: going home means no more sleeping in Regina's bed.

She doesn't want to give this up.

She's not at all sure how to broach the subject with Regina.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

But she can't lose this.

She suddenly wants to hold onto Regina more desperately than she's ever wanted anything in her life.

She wonders why she doesn't find _that_ weird.

But she doesn't.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

The rhythmic sound is soothing her, as it always does. She drifts off thinking of visiting her mother's bedroom and maybe holding Regina's hand again and whatever small victories tomorrow might bring. She forces herself not to think of Whale and of the half-answers that opened a million more questions because Regina was right: she wasn't ready to hear about that.

She'll wait till she's better to ask anything else.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She sleeps.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This one's just a short one, as I don't have a lot of time today. This chapter wasn't even originally going to be in the story, but I decided to put it in as a sort of interlude. Enjoy :)**

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**

On the fourth night, Emma dreams.

In her dreams, she can still see.

Emma dreams she's a princess, adored by the kingdom and she's dressed in her finest dress to attend her coronation. She gets ready in the bedroom and walks down the hall, past the library, past the dining room and into nothingness.

What's past the dining room?

She looks around frantically but nothing looks familiar and the world has turned black and white.

The Land Without Colour.

Oh God.

This isn't a dream. This is a nightmare.

She's still in her dress. She's still in colour, though everything around her is black and white. She's strapped to a table, covered in electrodes. She's screaming for her parents, for Regina, for anyone, to come and save her.

Whale is above her.

 _Don't be afraid Emma. I'm a doctor. You can trust me. I'll make you all better; better than you ever were. But first, let's rid you of that pesky savior magic shall we?_

"Emma!"

Regina's shaking her. She's back in bed, in the blackness. She's crying, and trembling. Regina's above her now, probably looking down at her, she guesses.

"I had a nightmare," Emma whispers. She reaches out for Regina and finds her arms, using them to pull herself up into a seated position.

Regina sighs and places her forehead on Emma's, and starts stroking her hair. "I know. I shouldn't have told you any of that today. You weren't ready."

Emma doesn't want Regina to feel badly about it. She wants to be strong and show her she's really okay, but she can't stop crying now. Maybe she's really not okay.

"Regina?" Emma starts. She's not sure how to finish what she's dying to ask.

"I'm right here," Regina reassures her, though, for once, that's not what Emma meant.

"No… I… what's going to happen when we get back to Storybrooke?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… we…" Emma can feel herself flushing as she trails off. She's not used to asking for what she needs from other people. She's not used to people being what she needs, period.

"We what? Emma, whatever you want to ask, just ask it. It's fine."

"I don't know how I'm going to sleep without you with me," Emma blurts out between sobs.

Regina puts both her hands on either side of Emma's head and kisses her forehead. "I'll sleep next to you as long as you need me to, here or in Storybrooke."

"Why?"

For the life of her, Emma still can't figure out why Regina is doing all this for her. What changed between them in the two weeks she can't remember? She wants to know so badly, but she's also nervous to find out.

"Emma, you're crying," Regina comments. Emma finds it strange that she would say that. She's cried several times in the last few days, and probably much more in the previous two weeks, she's sure.

"I know. I had a nightmare."

"No, I mean, you're crying _tears_ ," Regina says, wiping the wetness away from Emma's cheeks with her thumbs. "You couldn't do that yesterday."

"Is that good?"

"Well, it's not good that you're crying, obviously. But it's good that you can, now."

Regina leans forward and kisses Emma's forehead again. Emma's glad for the second kiss, because she wasn't paying enough attention the first time. This time, she can feel how warm and safe and affectionate Regina's soft lips feel against her skin.

She wonders what they would feel like against her own lips.

She hopes she's not blushing now, lest she give away what she's secretly thinking about.

She's sure she is.

Regina lies back down and pulls Emma down onto her chest, and starts stroking her hair again. Emma wonders how this will work in Storybrooke. Will Regina convince her parents that she needs to sleep over at the loft until she's finished healing her? Will she tell them that it would be best to take her back to her mansion every night and heal her there? What if she doesn't need healing anymore?

How will she tell her parents that she can't sleep without listening to Regina's heartbeat?

She supposes her father is already well aware that she and Regina are sleeping in the same bed, and have been for the last four nights, at least. Maybe more. Maybe for the six nights before that she can't remember as well.

"Regina?"

"Yes, dear?"

Emma wants to ask if they slept in the same bed in those last six nights, but suddenly she can't bring herself to do it. So she asks something else, instead.

"You were surprised I remembered waking up that first time. Why?"

Regina sighs. Emma wonders if she was hoping she would ask a different question. It's too late now.

"That was when I wiped out your memory. I knew you were awake, but I thought that would be wiped out, too. When you woke up in the carriage, I thought that would be your first memory, after the fact."

"I was in so much pain. I thought I was going to die."

"I know, dear. And that's why we're not going to talk about that, until you're completely healed. It's too much, and you're not going to convince me that you're ready."

"I wasn't going to try."

"Go back to sleep now, Emma. It's very late. In the morning, after breakfast, we'll go to your mother's old bedroom, alright?"

Emma nods.

Regina keeps stroking her hair. Emma wonders if Regina will sleep next to her forever if she tells her that's how long she needs her.

She wonders where these thoughts are coming from.

She tries to tell herself they are just coming from her newfound dependence on Regina, and that wanting to feel her kiss her lips and wanting to hear her heartbeat every night forever will fade away when she regains her eyesight and her independence.

After all, who is she to ask Regina to change her whole life for her?

No, she convinces herself she's just being silly. She feels almost like a child when she needs help with everything, and it's leading her to develop an adolescent-like crush on her friend.

A crush.

Oh God, she can't believe she just gave what she's feeling a name.

Now it feels real.

Her heart is pounding faster, and she hopes Regina can't feel it. She tries to focus on Regina's heartbeat instead.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Ah, there it is. Emma's center. Emma's safe place. Emma's security. It just happens to live in Regina's chest.

Emma's comfort. Emma's strength. It's all right there.

She needs to make herself stop thinking like this, before she does something stupid, like kiss Regina.

And now she can't stop thinking about kissing Regina.

She bites her lower lip.

"Emma, are you alright?"

Regina's low voice startles her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, why?"

"You seem restless."

"I'm okay," she lies. She has to lie.

Regina stops stroking her hair, and starts rubbing her back instead. She finally feels herself starting to relax. She decides there is no urgency here. Regina will sleep next to her as long as she needs. If something grows from that… it will grow in time. Patience isn't Emma's strong point, but somehow she feels comfortable enough to be patient now.

She thinks _that_ must be a good thing.

And she thinks only of Regina as she drifts off to sleep again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Emma doesn't dream again that night.

In the morning, she puts her hand on the wall and counts the steps and makes it to the dining room without assistance, though Regina walks beside her.

Her father is there this time, and this time it feels like the first time, again.

As she eats – toast, and not oatmeal – Emma thinks of how her relationship with her father has evolved these last few days, even when she's spent relatively little time with him. She wishes again that her mother were here, too, so they could have experienced the same thing.

Emma listens as Regina tells David she thinks they can go back home tomorrow.

Home.

Emma wonders what it will be like to be there, and unable to see. She doesn't want to know what it will be like to see Henry again, when she can't see him at all. She wracks her brain trying to remember every detail of his face.

She wonders if her mother and Henry even know she can't see. Her mother went home after the first portal jump. Whatever happened to her eyes, that happened later. Henry hasn't seen her at all since she was injured.

Emma can feel the anxiety growing.

Maybe tomorrow is too early.

Maybe she'll have to tell Regina they need to wait.

But that's not fair either. Regina misses Henry and Henry must miss both of them and they can't stay here forever, no matter how comfortable it might be.

After she eats, Regina shows her the way to her mother's room. There are so many doorways and turns along the way, but Emma counts the steps, even when they go up a flight of stairs. She's not sure if she will ever need to remember how to get here, but she wants to distract herself from thinking about going home tomorrow.

But it's useless. She's counting and thinking. She's thinking about how everyone is going to look at her now. The Blind Savior. She supposes she won't be much use as a savior now, anyway. She wishes she could stop these dark thoughts, but it's hard.

"You're quiet this morning," Regina comments.

"I'm concentrating," Emma lies.

"No, you're not. What's bothering you?" she presses.

Emma doesn't want to talk about it now. She just wants to reach her destination.

"Nothing. How much farther?" She doesn't mean for that to come out as whiny as it does.

"We're here," Regina says. Emma hears her pushing open a door, and leading her inside.

Emma breathes in the room. She swears she can tell that the walls are warm – maybe pink? – and there are sheer curtains on the window. Regina shows her around, letting her feel out the space around her. The vanity, the dresser, the bookshelf, the canopy bed. Emma envisions the whole thing in her mind, and she can feel herself smiling.

She sits down on the bed and strokes her fingers lightly over the pillow.

"What colour are the walls?" Emma asks, absently.

"Wood and cobble stone," Regina answers. Emma can hear the smile in her voice. It didn't occur to her until now that the walls couldn't be pink when there was no paint in the Enchanted Forest.

"There are tapestries hanging on them, too," Regina continues, "with white and pink flowers."

So Emma was right. The room did feel pink, after all.

She starts scratching at her left eye. It's been a little itchy all morning, but it's becoming unbearable.

"Emma, don't do that," Regina warns, sitting down beside her and grabbing her hand. Emma can hear the distinct panic in her voice, and she isn't sure why. She's not trying to hurt herself, she just needs this feeling to stop.

"It's so itchy," she says, trying to get at it with her other hand, but Regina catches that one, too.

"Okay, relax. Let me look at it, before you hurt yourself."

Emma sighs and forces herself to relax, while Regina reaches up to unwind the bandages. Emma can already see that greyish light creeping into her left eye, but the right one is still closed.

She feels Regina's fingers just above her eyelid, and then a sudden surge of way too much light comes in as Regina lifts her eye lid up slightly with her thumb, and Emma flinches away from her.

"I'm just trying to see if there's something there," Regina tries to explain, but Emma shakes her head.

"It's too bright."

"Ok," Regina says, "keep your eyes closed. A cool cloth might help."

She's puts the cloth – which Emma can only guess she produced with magic - damp with cool water, on Emma's closed eye, and it instantly feels better. She relaxes.

"Better?" Regina asks, lifting the cloth away again after a minute.

Emma nods.

"You said it was too bright?"

Emma nods again.

"If I close the curtains, do you want to try again?"

Emma's breath hitches in her throat. She realizes, instantly, that Regina's asking her if she wants to open that eye again and see if it can see. She's not sure she's ready to know, either way.

She nods anyway.

The time has to come eventually.

She listens as Regina closes the curtains on two windows, and then come back over to sit on the bed again. Regina puts her hands on either side of Emma's head – a kind of touch that Emma would have never thought could be as comforting as it is – and asks her if she's ready.

Emma slowly opens her eye. She tries to get the right one to co-operate too, but it won't budge. So she focuses on the left. She blinks it rapidly, trying to focus on… _something._

At first, all she sees is dim light.

Then it starts to change.

Slowly, she starts to be able to make out the blurry figure in front of her. It's mostly a mix of colours and shadows, but it's Regina's face. She's sure.

Tentatively, she reaches a hand up to touch Regina's cheek, just to make sure she's actually seeing what she thinks she's seeing.

Regina gasps at the touch. "Emma, can you see me?"

Emma blinks a few more times, trying in vain to focus her eye. "Kind of. Not really, but… kind of."

She traces her fingers over Regina's cheek and down her jawline, and over her soft lips, trying to landmark her features in comparison to the blurs she's seeing. She wonders why she never thought to try this before, when she had so badly wanted to look at Regina's face. Regina wasn't making any move to stop her, and she's sure she wouldn't have then, either.

Emma had gotten so used to the darkness, that she's barely aware that she's closed her eye again, and she's just mapping out Regina's face, with her hands. She reaches up to her forehead, and presses her own forehead against it, the way Regina had done to her last night.

She wonders, again, why this doesn't feel awkward. For her part, she chalks it up to not being able to see Regina's reaction, but she wonders why Regina is letting it happen. Is it not awkward for her? Or does she just think it was what Emma needs, so she isn't going to object?

Regina starts stroking Emma's hair, and Emma momentarily wants to mention that she doesn't want to go home yet, but she also doesn't want to interrupt this moment, either.

After a few minutes of silence, Regina pulls her head back, and instinctively, Emma opens her eye again, though she can't see any more than she could before.

Regina strokes the left side of Emma's face. "Maybe I should only rewrap your right eye, this time," she suggests.

"Maybe you could just get me an eye patch, like a pirate," Emma says, with a smile. Emma hears the small laugh get caught in Regina's throat and she wishes she could clearly see the smile she was sure was on her lips right now.

Damn it, her lips.

Now Emma's thinking about them again, as Regina wraps a new – magicked – bandage over Emma's right eye.

She's thinking about Regina's lips on her forehead last night, and her fingers on Regina's lips mere minutes ago and still wondering if there will ever be a time that Regina's lips will be on hers.

Right now, she thinks just seeing them might be enough.

"I don't think it will be much longer until you don't need this at all," Regina comments, as she finishes wrapping the bandage.

"I don't know if I'm ready to go home yet," Emma blurts out.

"Why?"

"I'm scared," she admits, closing her other eye again. Even though everything is a giant blur, she realizes that the darkness had become familiar – like a crutch – and now the light makes her feel terribly exposed and insecure.

Regina pulls her into her arms. "It's going to be fine. I'm not going to leave you alone, I promise."

"Why?" Emma asks. She needs to know.

"Why won't I leave you alone?" Regina asks. Emma nods. "Why would I?"

"No, I need to know why," Emma insists.

"Because… what happened is partially my fault, and I need to make it up to you."

The revelation takes Emma by surprise, and she can tell by Regina's voice that it's the truth, but somehow it doesn't drive her to push away or even ask for clarification. Instead, she grabs on to Regina harder, because even if that was true, everything else she had said was true, too, and Emma needs to cling to that, right now.

She needs to cling to promises of people who say they won't leave her, because everyone has always left her at some point and she needs the cycle to end.

She thinks back to the night that Regina asked her if she trusted her – the question didn't seem as odd then as it does now, as she thinks back on it – and she realizes that she answered yes at the time, without having a clue what was happening.

This – this feeling she was experiencing right now – _this_ is trust.

She decides Regina needs to know. Now.

"I trust you," she says.

Regina doesn't respond out loud, but just hugs Emma tighter to her, and Emma can derive all the meaning that action intended, the gratitude and the silent promise not to let her down.

She doesn't care what Regina said, there was no way this is her fault.

She's sure.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

"I don't believe you," Emma says, after several long moments of silence. She's still in Regina's arms, with her partially functioning eye still closed. Darkness and Regina's arms feel like home to her, now.

"About what?" Regina asks.

"There's no way this was your fault."

"I said partially," Regina reminds her, "and yes, it was."

"I don't believe you. You always shoulder more than your fair share of the blame. I don't believe you."

"You don't want to believe me," Regina corrects, as she weaves her fingers through Emma's hair.

"I don't believe that you would hurt me."

"I wasn't trying to hurt you, but…" Regina lets her voice trail off. Emma figures she must be stepping to close to the territory of things Regina isn't going to tell her until she's better.

"But what?"

"But I made a mistake. It was bad judgment, on my behalf and…"

"Are you crying?" Emma asks, softly. She can hear the unmistakable shakiness in Regina's voice, and she lifts a hand tentatively to Regina's cheek. Sure enough, she feels tears.

"I'm sorry, Emma," Regina whispers.

"Whatever you did, I forgive you," Emma says, and she means it. Regina hugs her tighter.

"Well, I suppose we'll have to wait and see if you feel the same way once you know everything," Regina says, finally. "Feelings change, you know."

"My feelings aren't going to change," Emma insists.

"They already did, you just don't remember," Regina replies, quietly. Her voice isn't shaky anymore, and Emma guesses she must have gotten her emotions under control.

"What do you mean?"

"I…" Regina starts, but doesn't continue.

"No. You're not allowed to say you'll tell me later. Tell me what you meant," Emma insists.

Regina lets out a long, heavy sigh, and pulls back from their embrace. She holds Emma's hands in her own, the way she did when she told her about Whale. Emma opens her eye and looks down, trying to focus on their hands, but she still can only make out blurry colours.

"When we first brought you back here, you were so upset. You were a mess," Regina explains. "The first night, after your mother had returned to Storybrooke, you were having such a terrible nightmare. I heard you screaming and I went in to wake you up. You were hysterical, Emma, and I couldn't talk you down, so I just held you until you finally calmed down."

Emma nods. She can't remember this, at all, but it sounds true. She squeezes Regina's hands, urging her to continue.

"You were still so upset, and scared, so I stayed the night with you. You seemed to do better, when you weren't alone. The next night, the same thing happened, and I suggested that perhaps it would be best if I just stayed with you every night, until you recovered, mentally and physically."

"Is that why it doesn't feel weird? Sharing a bed, I mean?" Emma asks

"When you erase someone's memory, it's kind of like erasing pencil from paper. Tiny remnants still remain. Feeling comfortable sleeping beside me must have stuck with you, yes," Regina agrees. "But there's more to it than that. Do you remember when you said you thought something had changed between us?"

Emma nods. Of course she remembers. It's all she's been thinking about.

"Well, something did change," Regina states. Emma draws in a deep breath, waiting for her to continue. On the fourth night, you had a really terrible nightmare. By the time you calmed down, you couldn't sleep, so we just talked. You didn't want to talk about what happened with Whale, so you talked about other things, instead."

"What did I tell you?" Emma asks, sudden unsure if she really wants to know what kind of confessions she had made in that state.

"Mostly, you talked about your childhood, and a little bit about Neal, and prison. But it was later, when you were really tired, and half asleep, that you made a confession."

"What? Regina, what? What did I say?" Emma asks, her voice filled with desperation. She looks at Regina's blurry face with her uncooperative eye and wishes the vision would just clear, even for a moment, so she could see Regina's expression and get a read on what is happening.

"You said… that you thought you were falling in love with me," Regina says, finally.

It hits Emma like a ton of bricks, but still, she can't detect a lie there. This is real. This really happened. But why? Where did those feelings even come from?

As if she can read Emma's thoughts from the panicked expression on her face, Regina continues. "You fell asleep shortly after that, and I assumed you must have been delirious, but you brought it up again the next morning. You said you re-evaluated your life when you thought Whale might actually kill you, and all you could think of was me."

"I… I don't remember… any of this," Emma stammers, trying to wrap her head around the whole thing.

"I know. It was later that day that you asked me to erase your memories. I asked you if you wanted me to just take away your time with Whale, but you said you wanted it all gone. At the time, I guessed that meant you had regrets over what you said to me. I wasn't even going to tell you but… Emma, I can't stop thinking about it. I know it's not fair to put this on you when you've got so much to deal with but I can't leave here tomorrow and let you go back to your life and pretend it never happened, because it did."

Emma nods, slowly, letting it all sink in. She had confessed feelings to Regina that she didn't even remember having… how was this possible?

Then again, she reminds herself that all she's been able to think about since last night was kissing Regina. Perhaps that was another remnant.

"Emma, please say something," Regina says, her voice rife with panic now.

"I want to kiss you," Emma says, without thinking.

Regina doesn't respond, so Emma reaches for her face again, running her thumb slowly over Regina's mouth. Her lips are parted, and Emma can tell she's more than a little shocked about what she just said. She supposes Regina expected her to comment on her confession, or on Regina's confession, but she can't think about that right now. All she can think about is Regina's lips under her thumb and before she knows it, she's leaning forward, pressing her lips to Regina's.

Her eye is closed again, but she still manages to find Regina's lips on the first try. She slides her hand to the back of Regina's head, weaving her fingers through her soft hair, and she presses deeper into the kiss. Regina's lips are soft – softer than she could have ever imagined – and she tastes like cinnamon when Emma delves in with her tongue.

Regina gasps at the forcefulness and need there, and kisses Emma back for a moment, before cupping her face in her hand and pushing her back. "Not here," she breathes, "not now."

Emma can't help but feel deflated, but she quickly remembers that they are sitting on the bed in her mother's childhood bedroom. Maybe here really isn't best.

"You room?" Emma suggest, hopefully.

"Not now," Regina repeats, and Emma sighs.

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to do something that you're going to regret later, once you know everything," Regina insists.

"Regina, I swear, there's nothing you can tell me that's going to make me regret that," Emma says, "and if you're so worried, then just tell me now, and let me decide for myself."

"Tomorrow," Regina says, "once we're back in Storybrooke, then I'll tell you everything."

"Why not now?" Emma whines.

"Because you'll have other people there, if you hate me then," Regina whispers.

"I couldn't ever hate you," Emma insists, reaching forward to stroke Regina's cheek.

"We'll see," Regina sighs. "Tomorrow."

 **To be continued…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Possible trigger warning: details of how Emma was injured in this chapter.**

 **And no cliffhanger this time, though there is still one more chapter to come, dealing with the aftermath :)**

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**

Despite the fact that it never left her mind, Emma manages not to mention the kiss to Regina again for the rest of the day. It helps that she spends most of the day outside with Regina and David, basking in the fresh air as Regina and David discussed leaving tomorrow.

In the evening, when they are finally alone again, Emma can sense Regina's apprehension, and decides not to bring it up again, until they're home. But she's still not ready to give up the closeness she's grown so fond of, and when they finally climb under the covers in Regina's bed for the last time, Emma wastes no time sliding over and putting her ear to Regina's chest.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

"I love this sound," Emma whispers.

"What sound?" Regina asks, as she begins stroking her hair.

"Your heartbeat. It soothes me," Emma says, as she drifts off to sleep.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She wakes up and it feels like no time has passed, but she knows it's morning because she can see the light streaming in through the window.

She can see the light.

She can see.

"Regina!" she gasps, as she sits up. Regina stirs slightly, and mumbles something incoherent, but doesn't open her eyes. Emma takes a moment to take in the sight of her sleeping. The edges are still a little fuzzy, but she can see her now. She can see her dark hair and how it falls over her shoulder. Her soft skin and her closed eyes and her full lips… Oh, God, her lips.

Emma touches her own lips as she thinks about their kiss yesterday.

She tries not to dwell on it as she looks around the room. It's bigger than it had felt when she had been exploring around it. What she had thought was an open window was actually a balcony, and she quietly gets out of bed and walks over, to look out. Everything is beautiful and bright. The trees and grass are greener than she remembered green to be. The sky is brighter and bluer and the clouds are so fluffy and perfect and everything is as if she's seeing it for the first time ever.

She wonders if her other eye is okay now.

She steps back into the room, and tiptoes past Regina to the vanity. She sits down and slowly starts to unwind the bandage, a little nervous for what she might see there. Her left eye looks fine, as far as she can tell, but Regina had said her right eye was worse. She wonders if she'll be able to tell what happened by looking at the other eye.

Once she gets the bandage off, the right eye looks fine, too. The vision in that eye is much more blurry, and she blinks rapidly, trying to focus it.

"What are you doing?" Regina's voice comes from across the room.

Emma spins around, and smiles at her.

"Emma, can you see?"

Emma doesn't answer, but rather walks over to the bed and sits down, facing Regina. She takes Regina's face in her hands and looks into her eyes. "I forgot how beautiful you were," she whispers.

Regina blushes as she puts her hands over Emma's, but she can't help but smile. Emma starts to move in for another kiss, but Regina turns away. "Wait," she says.

"Until we're home?" Emma asks. "Can we leave, like, now?"

"Now you're suddenly ready? Yesterday you were afraid to go back," Regina reminds her.

"Now I can see," Emma says, "and I have you, and my dad, and I miss my mom and Henry and yes, I want to go home. I'm ready."

Regina nods. "Let's go find your father, then."

They get dressed and head down the hallway to the dining room. Emma absorbs all the sights around her: the ornate mirrors, the hard floor and cobblestone walls, the doorway to the library. It seems like an eternity has passed since she attempted this trek on her own, though she knows it's only been a few days.

David is in the dining room when they arrive. Emma closes her eyes for a moment, feeling the familiar warmth in that room.

"Emma?" David asks, the surprise evident in his voice.

Emma's eyes flutter open, and she smiles. "Hi, Daddy," she says, looking right in his eyes. David gets up and wraps his daughter in a hug, squeezing her tight. "I'm ready to go home," Emma whispers.

"Well, then what are we waiting for?" David asks, turning to Regina, who holds out her hand, revealing the magic bean. Emma draws in a deep breath as Regina tosses it, finally opening the portal back to Storybrooke.

 _Home._

Emma's nervous and excited about going home. She's glad she doesn't have to do it without her sight. She can't wait to see her mother and Henry, but she's suddenly afraid of what Regina's going to tell her when they are back.

She could never hate Regina.

Could she?

There's no more time to think as they step through the portal, to the Charmings' living room.

"Emma!"

It's Mary Margaret.

Emma falls into her mother's embrace.

"Oh, Emma, I was so worried."

"I'm okay, Mom," Emma whispers, squeezing her mother tight. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Mary Margaret says. "Why did it take so long?" She looks back and forth between Regina and David, who glance nervously at each other.

"Magical healing isn't an exact science," Regina offers as an explanation. "It took longer than I thought."

Emma studies her. She looks so nervous and unsure of herself, and Emma is suddenly aware that she has no intention of telling Mary Margaret that Emma's been blind for the last several days.

Emma watches the way that David lightly pats Regina's shoulder before heading over to hug his wife. Emma figures whatever it is Regina thinks she did, it can't be that bad if David is still on her side.

"Mom! Mom!"

Emma's thought are interrupted by Henry bounding down the stairs. He reaches her first and pulls her into a tight hug, before stepping over to hug Regina. He's so big now, as tall as Regina, Emma realizes, as she watches them. He's come a long way from the little boy that showed up at her apartment in Boston.

They've all come a long way.

Throughout the morning, they sit and chat and catch up. Mary Margaret and Henry fill them in on everything that happened in Storybrooke while they were away.

As the morning goes on, Emma finds it harder and harder to concentrate on what they are telling her, as she is more and more distracted by thoughts of Regina and their kiss and everything she needs to tell her. For her part, Regina seems to notice, and by early afternoon, after they've had lunch, she offers a flimsy excuse about needing to so further healing on Emma as an excuse for them to leave, and she poofs them both back to the mansion.

"How are your eyes?" Regina asks, as the two sit down on the couch in the living room.

"Good," Emma nods, "better. Almost completely clear."

"No pain?"

"No. None. I'm fine. I'm good. I'm ready, Regina," Emma insists.

Regina sighs. "I don't even know where to start," she admits.

"The fifth day," Emma offers. "The day that I asked you to erase my memories. Start there."

Regina nods and draws in a deep breath. "I didn't do it."

"What?" Emma asks, now completely confused.

"You asked me to wipe out everything, and I told you it was a bad idea. I… oh, Emma, I screwed up. I wanted to just take away your time with Whale, but you wanted it all gone. I didn't want you to forget what you had told me, or how your feelings had changed. I was… it was so stupid, and selfish. I thought I could be enough. I thought if you loved me, I could save you. I didn't realized how much damage he had really done. You were almost healed, physically, but mentally… you couldn't handle what you saw. It was destroying you."

"Okay," Emma nods. "So you didn't erase my memories. That doesn't explain how I got hurt again. Who did … whatever it was … to my eyes?"

"You did," Regina whispers, looking down.

Emma gapes at her for a moment, trying to understand what she's telling her.

Regina draws in another shaky breath before continuing. "I thought maybe we could go back to Storybrooke and you could go see Archie and he could help you… and I could help you, and eventually, when you were better, we could explore those feelings. I was afraid for you to lose them, completely. So I told you no, and you got upset, and you said you wanted me to leave you alone. I thought if I gave you some space, you might see it my way. But the next morning, I went to check on you, and you were gone."

"Where?"

"I used a locator spell to find you. You had taken off into the woods. David and I took the carriage to you, the one you rode in later. When we found you, you had fallen off a high ledge in the woods, and you were hurt. We ran over to you, but you were hysterical, and hallucinating. You thought you were back in the Land Without Colour, and that Whale was making you watch God even knows what. You were screaming at him to stop and saying you couldn't take it and before we could stop you, you were clawing at your own eyes, Emma, like nothing I'd ever seen before."

Emma drew in a sharp breath. Of all the things she could imagine had happened, that she had done this to herself had never made the list.

"David grabbed you but you fought him off and started running again, until you fell. You were hurt so badly, and still screaming and crying and trying to get at your eyes because you thought you could rip the images away from yourself that way. That was when I erased your memory… that was the first time you remember waking up."

Emma looks down at her hands, trying to imagine how she could have possibly hurt herself this way. "I remember voices. Not just you and David. A lot of voices."

"You were hallucinating," Regina reminds her. "I should have listened to you. I had no idea how bad it really was. I wanted to believe it was something you could overcome. I should have listened to you, and none of this would have happened."

Emma nods, slowly, watching her hands as she stretches and flexes her fingers.

"Emma, say something," Regina says, after her prolonged silence.

Emma looks up again, meeting Regina's gaze. Regina has tears running silently down her cheeks and her dark eyes are rife with guilt. Emma hates seeing her like this.

"I don't hate you," Emma says, finally. "It's not your fault."

Regina closes her eyes and starts to sob. Emma watches as her hunched shoulders shake. She looks down at Regina's hands, sitting limp in her lap. Regina's hands that healed her with magic. She takes them both in her hands, and Regina gasps in surprise, looking up.

"You couldn't have known what would happen," Emma continues. "And my father clearly doesn't blame you, so I must have been pretty messed up."

"Your father doesn't know you asked me to wipe out your memories before that day. He thinks that was my idea," Regina whispers.

"Still… I don't blame you. I can't remember any of this. All I remember is that you healed me and took care of me and comforted me. I don't remember telling you that I thought I was falling in love with you, but I think I still am," Emma admits. This time, when she moves in for a kiss, Regina doesn't protest.

After several long moments exploring each other's mouths, Regina pulls back, resting her forehead on Emma's and running her fingers through her long blond hair. "I was so scared when you were missing," she says. "And when I saw you hurt, it broke my heart. When you took off and we found you hurt again, and hurting yourself, it nearly destroyed me. I've been feeling so guilty, Emma, and so scared to lose you, because I think I love you, too."

Emma smiles, and moves in for another long kiss, before speaking again. "You could never lose me."


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you to everyone who read this story :) This is the final chapter, just a short little epilogue, no angst. I told you this story would have a happy ending :)**

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven**

"So, where do we go from here?" Emma asks, breathlessly, as she finally breaks away from another kiss.

"Upstairs?" Regina suggests.

Emma smiles. That's not really what she meant, but she's not about to refuse this offer. She follows Regina up the stairs – she's never been upstairs in the mansion and it's exhilarating. Unconsciously, she counts the steps. She can see, but she wants to be sure she can always find her way back to this room, just in case.

This room.

Regina's bedroom.

Regina's bed. In Storybrooke.

Emma is amazed at how someplace she's never been feels exactly like where she belongs when she finally falls down on to the bed with Regina.

She closes her eyes. Even with her sight returned, when she closes her eyes, her other senses are hyper-alert in a way they never were before. She breathes in Regina, feels the warmth and softness of her flesh, and hears the low moans escaping her throat as they entangle themselves in each other's limbs. She tastes Regina's skin. She doesn't want to miss a single detail of this mix of lust and passion and… love?

Yes, Emma thinks she's in love.

No, she doesn't think it. She's sure.

She doesn't have time to think as feeling takes over. It's all kisses and lips and tongues and tastes and moans and soon Emma is exploring every inch of Regina's body in a way she never thought would ever happen in her wildest fantasies. But it is happening, and just like Regina's bed, Regina herself feels new and familiar at at the same time. Like they were meant to find each other all along, and the transition from healer to lover is so seamless that for the first time in her life, Emma's all in, with no doubts.

And when it's over she falls on her back onto the bed, naked, breathless, heart still racing, and satisfied. She turns to Regina, finally opening her eyes, and takes in the sight of her glistening skin, her eyes half closed, her chest heaving as she tries to catch her breath.

Regina blinks at her a few times, and smiles. "I think I love you, Emma Swan."

Despite her exhaustion, Emma leans over to kiss her again. She thinks she could kiss her forever and never get bored. "I know I love you, Regina Mills."

And Emma lets her head fall onto Regina's chest.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

It's still her anchor. It's still her strength. Regina is her center. Her healer. Her savior.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

She's pretty sure she could stay here forever, and listen to that sound for eternity. She's pretty sure Regina would let her, if that's what she wanted.

She knows this is where she will sleep, every night. In Regina's bed. With Regina. It's new and familiar all at the same time. And exciting and intoxicating and enticing and safe.

Two weeks of forgotten memories, and everything had changed. And Emma comes to a realization.

"I fell in love with you twice," she says, as Regina strokes her hair.

"Hmm?" Regina asks, and Emma's not sure if she didn't understand or if she was already half asleep.

"I fell in love with you twice," she repeats, as she reaches up to run her fingers lightly over Regina's jawline, and over her lips. "Once, after Whale and then, again, after I forgot. In two weeks, I fell in love with you twice."

Regina smiles. Emma can't see her face from this angle, but she can feel her smile under her fingertips.

Regina's heart and Regina's lips, they both feel like home.

Regina feels like home.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

Emma knows there's still some healing left for her. She knows she's going to have to deal with the emotions spurned from learning that she injured herself. She knows people in Storybrooke talk, and she's going to have to deal with questions and worried looks and whispers as news of what happened with Whale circulate the town, as she knows it will.

But her time with Whale is gone forever. And she believes Regina when she said Emma never told her what she saw. It's gone, and Emma finds peace there.

And whatever comes, whatever aftermath is sure to follow, she knows she doesn't have to face it alone.

Her anchor.

Her strength.

It's not just Regina's heart. It's Regina.

"You could never lose me, either," Regina says, as if she's reading Emma's thoughts. And Emma smiles.

 _Thu-thump. Thu-thump._

And Emma realizes why she was so enthralled with this sound. In Regina's heart was – is – where she belonged all along. That sound was Regina's love, calling her home.

 **THE END**


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